Friday, April 13, 2012

The supreme Power

There is one ritual which now I have been following since ages.Before any surgery even if minor I pray to The God for a safe outcome of the surgery.Not for myself.......but for the patien'ts family for whom that Lady is as important as say for example my mom for me.God has been so far very kind and my field of medicine is such that we don't encounter much morbidity and mortality.I am scared of death,loss......loss which is irreparable.That is the reason perhaps why I didn't pursue my interest in cancer surgery.It is see so much human suffering.
What prompted me to write this post was a spate of unfortunate happenings with few of my patients in last few weeks,where I find myself totally helpless.Don't have answer to few of these unfortunate events......and then I realise I am just a medium,it is HE who decides our fates.
The first one was a lady who after multiple failed attempts of IVF,a surgery for fibroids ( Myomectomy)conceived spontaneously.But unfortunately her fibroids has come back in the meantime.....big huge ones.In her level 2 ultrasound scan it was found that the mouth of the womb was opening up.Did an urgent OS tightening surgery.She was just 19 weeks pregnant then.Within a week her membranes ruptured.Today she is 21 weeks and few days.A very positive person she is fighting the odds which are very heavily against her.Reread all the guidelines and high risk pregnancy books to find out a way to help her and found that I can't do much but to pray and treat her empirically with IV fluids and antibiotics etc..Both of us are still struggling in the hope that at least if she reaches 24 weeks........foetus has some chance of survival.There is only one hospital in Delhi the NICU team of which has agreed to take such a case and I am grateful to them.
As if that wasn't enough another patient came in emergency with pain of few hours in which she aborted a 15 weeks fetus.She had a early pregnancy loss in last pregnancy.She didn't cry.Had become stoic.I felt devastated.She didn't even asked me the reason for her miscarriage.Ironically I had examined her for her monthly check up just the evening before where everything was fine.As of now I don't have the answer of her sudden pain followed by miscarriage.Will get her investigated after 6 weeks to see if I can help her in her next pregnancy.And same day another one presented with spotting at 12 weeks...... a scan later it ,missed miscarriage.God .........she cried and cried and cried........felt so very helpless.This was her first pregnancy.I never thought Obstetrics can be no less traumatic than oncology or oncosurgery.Again I read and re read the guidelines on miscarriages and recurrent miscarriages.......But again have realized I might think I am the one who is responsible for successful treatment of patients of recurrent miscarriage in past.As of now.......I firmly believe it is the supreme power.......I am just a medium!!Nothing More!! Am trying to make myself understand the very famous shloka of Bhagwad Geeta ........कर्मण्ये वाधिकारस्ते फलेषु कदाचना
कर्मफलेह्तुर भुरमा ते संगोस्त्वकर्मानी॥

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